Playgroup

It was a warm and humid afternoon and I was preparing Jolie to take her nap when my mobile phone rang. I wonder who it could be as, sad it it sounds, I seldom receive calls. The caller asked for "Jolene", and I hesitated. Usually I would just slam the phone down on wrong numbers, but I just have a hunch on this one. So I gave her a few seconds to correct herself, and as expected, she was looking for me.

It was the lady from the playgroup, happily informing me that they have "worked things out" and was then able to take in Jolie as their student. Without even asking me if I was still interested, she went on about what documents do bring, how much money to pay and when she starts school. So I wrote all the information down, said my thanks, hung up the phone and got back to the task of patting Jolie to sleep again. As we lie on our sofa in the quiet house, with her sleepy head on my chest, I can’t help but burst into tears.

It sounds quite cliché, but I do see flashbacks of Jolie in my arms, a delicate little infant, so fragile and so dependent on me. How she has grown bigger and more beautiful day by day, running and laughing. I know, I probably watch too much movies, but the thought was enough to make me weep uncontrollably. My baby’s grown up and going to school! My rational brain gave me a disgusted grunt and wanted to slap some senses into me. “It’s only 2 hours! Get a grip on it!” she says, but my emotional brain wouldn’t hear it. “My baby’s leaving me!” she wailed.

It has been quite a journey, this preschool hunt. I started looking into it since Jolie has turned 18 months, but decided that she was just not ready! Who’s going to pat her to sleep? Feed her milk and food? Change her diaper? So we shelved the idea until she turned two. In a blink of an eye, we celebrated her 2nd birthday! Even though I know that I could teach her just as well, I know that she could really benefit from socializing with other children. Even with that excellent rational, I couldn’t help but procrastinate a little. Everyday I was coming up with stupid excuses not to go playgroup hunting. “I need to do more research, it’s too hot, it’s raining, we had to go to my Mom’s place, etc.” It really made me realise that it was ME who wasn't ready, not Jolie.

Finally I ran out of excuses. Even as I was all prepared to go, a little voice whispered in my mind, “Maybe we could go another day?” But I can’t find a reason why, so we went out and found a suitable school for Jolie that day. Damn.

So here I am, weeping. Jolie looked at me all puzzled, and then started to give me hugs and kisses, hoping to make me feel better. I hugged her even tighter; will she be just as sweet to her silly Mama when she’s all grown up? So now we’ll just have to wait for the dreaded day to come. Perhaps I could look at this in a different light, after all, I have been granted 2 free hours everyday. It’s not a lot, but it’s free time nonetheless. A change is coming. Time to embrace it. :)